Well, sales are down, my hopes for getting some help keep getting dashed, and interest in this blog seems to be waning. I had been thinking this would be my last year for making videos. I had a few new ideas, some of which I could do alone, and some that would require assistance. I’ll probably be finished with the things I can do, by the end of May. I still have a few videos to release. If I spread them out, I may be able to keep my store alive through summer.
I think I’m a little depressed, which is influencing my current thinking, but this day has been a long time coming. After shooting mud videos for over 20 years, I’ve pretty much done everything 10 times. I’m also ready to move on to something else. That’s not to say I won’t go out and play in the mud; I’m just not going to haul a ton of camera gear with me and spend half my time setting up equipment to capture video. I’ll be able to move around more freely, travel light, spend less time cleaning equipment afterward, and there will be no video to edit and publish.
I may go back to shooting short videos for my blog on my GoPro; no fancy camera setups, low quality audio, and only quick edits. Then again, even keeping up with this blog feels a lot like work, since I get so little feedback. I really appreciate those of you who do send me messages, but there are very few of you.
I know I’ve taken breaks in the past, for similar reasons, but this time is different. I’ve had this web-site and my clip stores for well over a decade. After I take down all of this infrastructure, I’m not going to rebuild it. This era may be ending, and a new one will begin. This blog, and my clip store will be active for a few more months, at least. After that, it’s just a matter of deciding how much of the archive I want to keep around, and much time I want to spend maintaining it. I have other priorities, and my on-line mud life isn’t yielding an adequate return on investment. To quote Kenny Rogers from “The Gambler”, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run”.
Hi Doug
I’m sorry but not entirely surprised to hear how fed up you are. As you know i enjoy and buy a number of your films and I’ve never been disappointed. They have inspired me to dream of finding places like yours so maybe i could something like them one day. i would imagine you’ll carry on doing the sinking and role play stuff for your own pleasure
I may be a lone voice but could i urge you to continue with your films but maybe less frequently if that would work. Or would it be possible for those small band of folk who have subscribed to find a way to access (and of course pay) to see your films into the future
Whatever you decide good luck and remember i have and continue to appreciate your work
andy
Thank you, Andy. I understand that a few people still want to see my mud adventures, but I have no incentive to make more videos.
I probably will slow down this season. I’m not quite finished shooting. The big question is what will happen to my archives after this year. I may close my stores and shutdown my web-site, just so I can focus on more important things.
Hi Doug
I missed the line you suggest you may be a little depressed. Depression is very serious, I know it’s dogged my path for many years. Don’t underestimate it’s power and seek the appropriate way to deal with it for you. Everybody’s depression is different and the solution to dealing with it should be tailored to their needs. For me a combination of antidepresants (citalopram in my case), talking therapy and support of family and friends keep me well. I will never be ‘cured’ for me my depression is not like that – it’s something within my personality that makes me susceptible. I have systems in place that catch me as I begin to move into depression. The thing I remember most is the one of the first aspects of the condition is it takes away your insight. So you cannot see how ‘ill’ you’re becoming. I have some confidence that you may be at a very early stage as you have identified that you may be suffering with depression. If so this is the best time to take some action.
I hope the above is clear and helpful and has not caused offence. It was not intended to patronise or wound but support. If I can help in any way at all plaese let me know.
All the best and all my love
Andy
Thank you, Andy, but don’t worry, my depression is not clinical. I’ve suffered from clinical depression. This is circumstantial. I have some problems in my personal life that are weighing heavily on me. I am working to resolve those issues so I can move on, but it’s going to take some time. Suffice it to say, I need to conserve energy while I focus on more important issues. I’m just over-extended.
Hello Doug. While I am also very sad you will be ending your video adventures I entirely understand why. Quite often when colleagues at my work come to me for advice about changing roles or leaving the company, I tell them the most important factor to consider is to do whatever makes them happy – everything else is secondary. After all, do you really want to say at the end of your life that you made lots of money or acquired power but ended up miserable most of the time?
In light of that, I commend you for wanting to get out at the point you’ve decided you just don’t want to do it any more rather than continuing out of some sense of misplaced ‘duty’ that would only make you feel worse. I have greatly enjoyed your videos and continue to watch them when I can.
As for what Andy said, I entirely agree with them as I have suffered with depression in the past. I hope your decision helps.
coney
Thanks, Coney. See my more detailed response to Andy. Life’s challenges are forcing me to prioritize, right now.
I should probably add, if you don’t follow me on UMD.net, you might consider doing that. I may not be terribly active, but as long as UMD exists, I’ll probably be a member. If I let this web-site go, I’ll post images and maybe some short videos there, as time allows.
My e-mail address on mudlover.com will be good at least until March, 2022. There will probably be a minimal web-site with a contact link until then, if I take down my blog.
Hi Doug,jah..what must I say?THe message you are going to do less work with videos makes me sad.
Even the web master of “Deepsinking Guys” noticed it: Mudlover is hanging up his hat.
By reading your blog more then once,I remarked it is happily not the total end.
It is brave and nice from Andy that he deals his troubles with you.
I have download a lot of your mud vids and I choose and enjoy every day one of them,sure 5 or 6 of them are toppers for me.
I am sure in the new situation your planning,the mud will call your.It is much easier to go to the mud holes without the package of cameras and all what belongs to that.No spending times to clean the apperture and construct a good video to bring on the market.
Now you are free to go to the mud creek,put of clothes (or not) and enjoy the sinking ,walking ,diving
in the mud and wearing the briefs which you want.Cleaning up your body and then getting home.
Wish you a good time and now or then I hope to cath a glimpse of your acitivities.
I’m glad you understand. I hope everyone realizes I’m not dying; I’m just getting out of the business, and even that could take several months, depending on how long it takes me to publish my back-log of video, and how motivated I am to make more.
I’m planning a little get together at my place for some local UMD people, and I may make some video with them. There will be no hard cutoff, because I’m keeping my gear and I’m still that guy who loves to dive into the mud.
The hard question will be what to do with the clip store(s), but that decision will come later this year.